


He's a Magic Man

by scyllasins (orphan_account)



Series: Rizziverse Undertale Fics [2]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: FellSwap Gold, Fellswap Purple, HorrorTale, Lightstale, M/M, Underfell, Underlust, fellswap red, underswap - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-22 23:23:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20330218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/scyllasins
Summary: A particularly bad day and a particularly horrible event unlocks powers inside of you that you didn't even know about. Apparently you were supposed to somehow register these powers with the Dreemurr Royal Coalition, and now your possessions have been moved into an apartment building full of skeletons. At least one of whom is a cop.





	1. Umami So Mad

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [You Spell Disaster](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13038261) by [scyllasins (orphan_account)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/scyllasins). 

> This fic takes a lot out of me, so expect slower updates than [From the Ashes.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19998469/chapters/47350063) This one has 13 chapters out, os if if you run out of Magic Man, go check it out! They happen in the same universe!  
Twitter account coming soon!  
Like my work? Drop me a kudos or some pocket change on my [Square Cash](https://cash.app/%24rizzizzsins)  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consider this to be happening around Chapter 1 of From the Ashes.

“Sponsoring the Ebott City Radio Hour is the Ebott University Library. Dr. Y/N will be taking questions today about the new Many Voices Children’s Story Hour. Dr. Y/N, the floor is yours.”

Shuddering, you accept the microphone and wait for the calls to come in. You really didn’t want to do this. You know exactly what’s going to happen.

**Ring Ring!**

“Many Voices Question Hour, Y/N speaking,” you stutter.

“I don’t understand what the big deal is about monsters coming in and reading books to the children. I mean, they have to see monsters all the time already. Why can’t there at least be one safe space for them?”

You grit your teeth. This. This is what was going to happen.

“I assure you that the Many Voices Children’s Story Hour is a perfectly safe space, and all of our guest readers, monster or human, go through a long vetting process, including drug tests and criminal background checks.”

**Click.**

**Ring Ring!**

“Many Voices Question hour, Y/N speaking.”

“But what about those Fell Nation thugs? They’re almost all criminals. Will they be excluded from the program?”

“Like any human felons, monsters with a criminal history will receive special attention, but we at the Ebott City Library believe that just about everyone deserves a second chance.”

**Click.**

**Ring Ring!**

“This PC horseshit is getting ridiculous. First the program gets handed over to a trann----”

You hang up.

**Ring Ring!**

“You can’t censor my First Amendment rights, you fucking----”

You block the number. A migraine is starting to blossom in your skull.

“We’ll be right back after this break,” The radio hostess cuts the program short, as the commercials begin. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine. This is pretty normal,” you manage, clutching your head.

“Excedrin?” She asks. You nod, and she passes you some pills. You swallow them dry with a wince. 

“Don’t worry. There’s only about ten minutes left in your segment, and we’ll be sure to put a message out in your support. I didn’t think it would be this bad,” the hostess sighed.

“I knew it would be. I tried to tell Elaine this was a bad idea, but I guess she wanted me to face my fears or whatever. I’m not scared of people like that… just sick of them.”

“Well, just ten more minutes and you can go home. I know it’s not much, but….”

The hostess gives you a gift basket full of fancy teas. Darjeeling, silver needles, assam chai, all loose leaf. 

“I was going to send this to your boss…. But you clearly need it more.”

It still had “To a successful partnership, Elaine!” On it, but you accept it graciously. This is the kind of tea that has you going for broke at the end of the month.

“We’ll be back on air in 60 seconds. Are you ready?” She asks, giving you an awkward hug.

You hug back regardless. “Yeah. I’m ready.”

“Are there going to be those Horror freaks at the story hour? How will you prevent them from eating the children?”

“Would the story hour be less expensive for the library if all of these triple A monster guests weren’t coming in? Just a thought, you know.“

“Why aren’t you allowing any representatives from H. A. D. D. or any other monster-critical groups to read to the children?”

By the time the Question Hour has ended, the insides of your body feel like hot lava. You can’t believe you just wasted a half hour of your time and the library’s budget talking to people that already can’t be reached in the first place. You grip your gift basket hard and smile tightly for the pictures, before piling onto your motorbike and swerving home.

Your usual Calm Your Tits blend of tea isn’t working. No matter how much rosemary and mint you add to your cup, you don’t feel any better. Your playlist of cat videos is working overtime to make you smile, but nothing’s working. You feel like there’s a hive of angry thoughts buzzing in your body. Your brain replays all of the things you wish you COULD have responded to those people today, but Elaine would be pissed.

Elaine isn’t a bad boss. She was just too cis, and too white, and too optimistic about the nature of others. She either refuses to see the cruel nature of humanity or ignores it every day. You’re sure that she would have excused people’s behavior on the radio as “them being reasonably scared” or something like that. Even though the first monsters had breached the United Surface over three years ago.

Welp, if tea isn’t working, there was always booze. But you can’t think of anything sadder than a librarian sitting alone in his shitty apartment with a bottle of knockoff absinthe. Maybe you should go out. 

You peel off your oversized cardigan and pull on a shiny leather jacket, Air Force brand. You saved for 3 months to get it without breaking your budget, but there it was. It looked just right on your french-tucked vinyl records dress shirt and your wide legged black pants. You kick off your plain black mules and exchange them for your biggest, tallest pair of boots. Perfect. Now to do something about your face.

You love your job, but there’s a limit to how outlandish you can look, even though you work in content services away from the eyes of your client base. You grab a bottle of micellar water and a clean washcloth so that you can start fresh. Once you’ve got wings on so sharp you could kill another man, your beard is oiled and groomed, and your hair is loose and free, you’re ready to go out. Whoops… you almost forgot your favorite lipstick. You unbutton a couple buttons on your shirt. Jeez, you really need to get that linework filled in soon.

You put the key in Watson’s ignition and crank him to life. It takes a couple twists, a couple of kicks to the gas tank, but he runs just fine after that.

Due to your invisible status in the scheme of the library, you’re free to get as fucked up as you want without any patrons shitting themselves; they have no idea what you look like, after all.Then again, if you’re going to get plastered, maybe bringing Watson isn’t the best idea. You switch him off, give his cracked leather seat a pat, and open your rideshare app.

Who was on? You didn’t recognize any of these drivers. 

Wait. Who--- did you just see someone registered as driving a Soviet Lada? You’ve got to get in that car at least once. Live brave, die young, right? 

Looks like you’re riding with whoever Scampalicious is tonight.

“It’s Britney, bitch....” You hear. Looks like Scampalicious has good taste in music. A skeleton with an eyepatch and a fucking toke in his mouth sticks his head out the window.

“You didn’t put in a destination, nyeh heh heh.”

Shit, you didn’t.

“Uh…. take me where I can get fucked up and in trouble,” you grin.

“Oh, that’s almost as easy as me, nyeh heh. There’s Sparkby’s on 11th, Grillby’s on 15th is a little tamer, and Umami on 112th if you wanna make a shitton of mistakes tonight.”

Umami? “Is that the S&M club that’s got all the H.A.D.D people shitting their pants?”

“That’s the one. Don’t worry, I won’t judge ya for not wanting to go. Doesn’t seem like the place for a librarian to wind down.”

“Wait, how the fuck do you know who I am?”

“Well, there’s your username, and the fact that I listened to the radio today,” your driver chortles.

“I think I’ll go, if anything to get a drink. Not sure that I’m… really ready to get involved in the scene again for now.”

“...Again? You sound like me, nyeh heh heh. Well, I was gonna clock out after this, but… I’m not letting you go to Umami without at least a harness.”

Yeah, your harness at home had seen better day. You didn’t want to wear something that a dirty older man who thought he owned you bought you anyway.

“Yeah, I can tell you haven’t been on the menu in a couple months at least. Get in loser, we’re going shopping.”

You cringe hard at the sound of your voice on the radio. It was simultaneously too high and too low. At least your chest didn’t give you away, but the amount of times you got Missed and Ma’amed today was worth drinking about. 

“You handled all those stupid calls pretty well. I woulda just hung up,” the skeleton chuckled. His voice was raspy from smoke, but nice.

“I really, really wanted to. Believe me. ‘Gee, why aren’t you letting a human supremacist hate group into a place dedicated to free speech and free love?’ I don’t know, Jim from Blueside, why don’t you tell me?” You growl tiredly. 

“Nyeh heh heh, it’s so obvious to everyone except them, isn’t it? No, Brenda, we won’t let anybody eat your children. This is 20XX, not the age of Grimm’s fairy tales,” your driver chuckles. “I’m Scamp, by the way.”

“Y/N,” you respond. “Librarian by day, Sailor Moon’s cousin, Sailor Mouth by night.”

“I can tell. You’ll fit in just fine at Umami. We really need to get you some proper clothes, though, so… whoops,” He chortles, turning his rideshare app off.

“Wait, isn’t it against policy to go on personal trips with Ryde clients?”

“Not if the client knows how to keep their mouth shut,” Scamp answers.

“I’ll do it just this once, just for you. It isn’t easy, mind you. I just spent a whole day with my opinions stuck in my throat.”

“Yeah, ya can really hear the strain in your voice at the end. You were trying so hard not to lose your shit. I admire that.”

“Thanks. Sometimes I just feel like I’m an earthquake about to go off, but it’s all trapped inside my body. You know?”

Scamp nods. You think you see a flicker of purple light in his eyes, but you’re probably just imagining it.

“Believe me, I know.”

  
  
  



	2. Harnessing your Power

“Well, this is the cheapest, sluttiest shop I could find. Naoriel’s Boutique. Run by the queen of Lust nation… not like that’s much of a surprise.”

Shady pulls his rickety old Lada into the parking lot. That was a wild ride; Shady seems to know exactly how to break every single driving law without making a rough trip. Including driving under the influence…

“Naoriel. Your favorite thot brought a friend,” A scantily dressed cat monster purred as she let them in.

“Scamp! Is that you? I’m sorry, I was sorting inventory! I’ll be right out!”

A gorgeous goat woman with curly white hair steps out. Her leather dress is hot, but tasteful. You would have loved to wear one back in your girl days, but even though you don’t obey too many rules of masculinity, a dress like that is pushing it. 

“Do you like what you see, my sweet child?” She purrs. You almost leap. Had you been staring? 

“I---no---- I mean----- not----girls!” You manage.

“Oh, you know what my mother used to say. All the good ones are either gay like you… or taken, like my husband~” She giggles. “How can I help you today, little librarian? Looking for some naughty books?”

Right. Now everyone who hears your voice knows who you are.

“I… I haven’t been in the scene for a couple of years now. And I really don’t want to wear any of the things that creepy old men bought me… not to mention it’s all bras and panties.”

“I completely understand. Thankfully, I have been busy curating a section for the transgender crowd, and I was hoping to get opinions on it before I unveil it. I want to be inclusive and respectful, so please let me know if I have accidentally stocked anything offensive.” Naoriel places a soft paw on your shoulder and leads you to the back of the store.

Everything a trans man could need is on this hidden shelf. Packers, STP devices of all kinds, packing underwear, and gender neutral lingerie. You immediately gravitate towards a black lace binder… then you look at the price tag. Ouch!

“I’ve been wanting to set up a gender noncomforming discount as well, so if something draws your eye but is a little out of reach, just let me know.”

You’re awed by the sheer amount of stuff available. “This is all amazing. And you didn’t get any sissy stuff. That’s a common pitfall.”

“Yes, I noted that the community was divided on that sort of thing based on my research online. I do still stock the items, but they will be on the other side of the store. People will hopefully be less likely to immediately correlate those two things.”

You nod in thanks. Hm, you could use some fresh black thigh highs, maybe those matching lace boxer briefs… but you still hadn’t picked out any actual gear.

“Those are all excellent choices. Might I suggest at least a harness or collar, though? You are headed to Umami’s, after all.”

You nod. “The last harness I had was gifted to me by… a mistake, let’s say.”

“Believe me, I understand,” she chortles. “Right this way.”

Something catches your eye immediately: a gorgeous little harness, in dark green, with the iridescence of a jewel beetle. It was pricey… really pricey….

“I do also have a First Purchase discount.” Man, this woman was a salesperson at heart.

You decide to bite the bullet and take it, as well as a comfy robe and slippers for wandering the dungeon floor. You don’t think you’ll involve yourself in a scene tonight, but it’s nice to look the part again.

Hell, maybe you should get a gag so that no one will recognize your voice… you shake your head at yourself.

“Will that be all for you today?” Naoriel smiles as you headed to the front.

You nod. It comes out to $115.34. Painful, but in other places just a harness would cost more. 

You pay in cash, and she winks at you. “Enjoy your evening at Umami’s. There’s quite the eclectic crowd there. You never know; maybe you’ll run into my husband and I at the whipping crosses.”

“Well, if that’s all for you, let’s get you to Umami’s,” Scamp grins, and helps you back into his nightmare of a car.

After a short, highly illegal drive, he pulls up to Umami’s and drops you off.

“Are you not going in too?” You ask, kind of hoping that he would, just so you’d have a friend to talk to.

“Nah. My big bro says I stay out too late, so I’m trying to be good. See you around, hot librarian.”

You blush and close the door, before heading inside.

A lady wolf monster appraises you. “You lost, little boy?”

You shake your head. “I know what I’m getting myself into.”

“ID, please.”

You show your driver’s license. She shrugs. “Hm. Figured you were a little younger. Right this way.”

She shows you through a black hallway, lit with neon rail lights. 

“Now, then, are you dominant or submissive?”

“Sub,” you respond.

“Alright… we like to keep a good ratio of subs and doms, so it works out. Do you want to be approached by strangers, or would you rather approach?”

“Uh…. neither? I’m just drinking tonight. No funny business.”

She passes you a black and grey wristband. “Are you just not looking to party, or is that a hard no?”

“Uh, not looking to party.”

“Take that grey wristband and put it on, followed by this light blue one. You’re trans, right? Do you want to publicize that?”

You shrug and nod. She passes you a wristband with the flag colors on it.

“Alright, you’re all set. Anything out of the ordinary or that you don’t want, and you shout “rosebud”, manifest attack magic, or give the middle finger. These are signals to our staff that you need help. Oh wait… here, I’ll give you a buzzer. Press it at any time for one of our staff members to help you out.” She hands you a wristband with a red button on it. You strap it on.

The hallway opens into a nice, circular lounge, with a bar, couches and beds downstairs and the harder stuff up on the second floor. You stick with the bar for now.

“Ugh, a human. And they’re gray, too. Why the fuck do people come here if they don’t wanna have any fun?” A lizard nearby grumbles.

You ignore him. Monsters had every right to hate humans; you didn’t see it as reverse racism or anything. As long as no one tries to hurt you, you let them feel as angry as they want.

“Hey, human, I’m talking to you! Chin up! You too chicken to look me in the eyes?” 

“Don’t be an ass,” a rooster monster sighs. 

“I’m just sayin’. A monster run dungeon just shouldn’t have this many people in it. Where are we supposed to let loose without their nosy faces lookin’ at everything?”

“At your house,” the rooster insists. “The people who are here like being watched, Leo, just like I’ve told you a hundred times before when you get wasted.”

The lizard devolves into mumbled curses. You take a seat at the bar.

A stunning pink fire elemental leans over the counter. “Oh, my stars… what a beautiful human has graced us with their presence tonight. May I have your pronouns and order?”

“He/him, just a pina colada for now. Please don’t judge me for what I order…”

The elemental waves his hand. “That’s my favorite thing to drink, don’t worry… well, second favorite~”

You chuckle. The lizard monster was glaring daggers at you.

“Don’t mind Leo. He’s a curmudgeon who shows up to get fucked up and complain about everything. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him do a scene of any kind.”

“So he’s a poser?” You ask.

“Just about. I think he just likes wearing the clothes. I’m Umami, by the way.” Umami offers you his hand. You take it, and he kisses your wrist. It tingles.

He pulls a bag of freshly cut pineapple out of the freezer, and purees all of the other ingredients until smooth. Adding the pineapple last, he tosses the blended mixture into a strange contraption, and pulls it out after a second. It’s already the correct consistency. 

“I don’t know why humans haven’t gotten on board with magic kitchens. It really does make everything easier, and it’s harmless. Here you are! One pina colada, made to perfection, dare I say.”

It was perfect. You’d never had one this good. “You spoiled me. I’ll never enjoy a shitty pina colada mix again, Umami,” You sigh. He giggles, shaking his head. “Oh, you can enjoy all kinds of drinks once you’re already drunk. You’ll be fine.”

“True that,” you toast. 

Just as you’re starting to relax, you think you hear a thwack. What was that? You’re immediately on high alert. That didn’t sound like a paddle or crop. 

It sounded like a bat.

Umami catches your alertness. 

“That didn’t sound normal to you, did it?” He asks.

You shake your head.

“Could you do me a big favor and press your red buzzer three times? It will let my staff know to get on lookout.”

You press your wristband three times. Immediately, people who you thought were just consumers start moving quickly through the venue, a couple checking the front door.

“Outta the way, you dirty fucking demons!” 

More thwacks, plus the telltale sound of dust rushing from someone’s body. 

You don’t think. You just run to the door. You hear Umami say something to you, but you don’t know what it is. You have to get to the front.

A group of six men and three women wearing H.A.D.D tee shirts and black bandanas are kicking the wolf lady that let you in. She’s on the ground unable to defend herself.

“That’s what you get, you dirty bitch. Your kind needs to stay away from us. Stop letting humans into the club, and we’ll never bother ya again,” One grins. You can tell from the crinkle in his eyes; his face is covered by a bandana.

“Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing?” You ask. You haven’t been in a fight before, but someone has to do something. At least you’d be a distraction while Umami evacuates everyone.

“Oh, and we have a dirty monster fucker, here in her sinful flesh. And look at that cute little flag. Someone’s trying to fuck monsters and BE a monster at the same time!” The leader chortles.

“Do you know what we do to people like you?” Another asks.

Their taunts continue, and you can feel something building up inside you. It’s rage, but it’s more than that… your body is hot, and your head is pounding, but not in a painful way. People like this are what make you feel unsafe going home without your motorcycle and pepper spray. Their very presence is terrorizing to anyone who’s different. They punch down on populations that are already vulnerable to make themselves feel better…

And you’ve had enough.

Your hands start to heat up, so much so that it’s scalding.

“It’s a mage! Run, she’s gonna blow!” One of the women screamed. 

A mage? What are they talking about? You wave your hands in front of you, trying to put the fire out…

But it plumes out in a burst of blinding light… and everything goes black.

**Author's Note:**

> Twitter account coming soon!  
Like my work? Drop me a kudos or some pocket change on my [Square Cash](https://cash.app/%24rizzizzsins)  



End file.
